I feel incredibly fortunate to have a supportive and wonderful husband, but there are moments when I find myself solo parenting my three boys as a stay-at-home mom. Whether my husband is at work, attending events, or out for a run, managing everything can be quite a feat. Solo parenting happens during Will’s ultra marathons which take a minimum of 6 hours. Being creative and finding things to do with three kids can be tricky but we make it worth it and get there in time to cheer him on. Here are some tips and tricks I’ve discovered that help me navigate these moments:
Bright Colors
Whenever we venture out to places like parks or farms, where there’s lots of open space, I ensure my boys are dressed in bright colors. Whether it’s matching outfits or each in a different vibrant color, it helps me spot them quickly amidst the crowd. This includes colorful hats too. Being able to count them at a glance reduces my anxiety significantly. I am constantly counting to 3 in my head.
Establishing a Meeting Place
I learned this tip from my own parents, and it has proven invaluable. Whenever we’re at a large venue like an amusement park, we establish a designated meeting place in case anyone gets separated. It could be a fountain, a restaurant, or a distinctive structure in the area. The key is choosing something stationary to avoid confusion if that cart were to get moved midway through the day.
Car Essentials Bag
Keeping a well-stocked bag in the car is a simple yet essential trick. Snacks, sunscreen, hats, sweaters, and even a first aid kit come in handy depending on the situation. I also follow my mom’s advice of leaving non-melting snacks in the car for longer outings. The only downside is remembering to refill what I’ve used! This also goes into clothing as well because you never know what messy situation comes in a day!
Maintaining a Manageable Distance
With boys aged 3, 5, and 7, it’s inevitable they’ll want to explore in different directions upon arrival at any destination. Before we disembark, I have a chat with them in the car about sticking together. I explain that while there’s only one of me, we’ll have more fun if we stay as a team. Establishing a loose plan helps keep everyone on track. For example, we went to Harbes Farm in Mattituck over spring break and Dadjogger was working so it was my solo trip with them. In the car, I established what things we will be doing, and we will let each of them get a pick as to what to do next. As the day went on, we were able to scout out the place and know how crowded it was. I was able to stand in the middle between two playing in one section and the other playing in the section across the way. Being in the middle where they could all see me and be able to hear me if necessary, helped the situation to go off without a hitch.
Taking Deep Breaths
Practicing patience is something I continuously work on. Kids will be kids, and it’s crucial to pause and take a deep breath before reacting to their antics. This moment of reflection often leads to a more measured response, ensuring a positive outcome for all involved. I have found that in my years of parenting which I do not always do well, that I need to take a step back and not react right away. Obviously, different situations call for different reactions but something that I am constantly working on is that breath before the reaction because it may completely alter the feedback my kids get.
Offering Compliments
I make it a point to acknowledge and commend my boys for their positive behavior. Whether it’s after an outing, a meal, or just before bedtime, I highlight the things they did well. Showering them with praise boosts their confidence and strengthens our bond. For example, “I know you were sitting for a long time today and I am so proud of how well you behaved.” OR “I got wonderful feedback from your teacher on how you handled a situation, and I am so excited for you.” There are so many positive things that our kids do, and they need to know that just as much as things that we tell them they do wrong.
Giving Yourself Grace
Parenting is undoubtedly challenging, especially when flying solo. It’s essential to acknowledge the things we handled well and to give ourselves grace for the moments that didn’t go as planned. Tomorrow is a new day, offering fresh opportunities for growth and patience.
Recognizing a Stressful Situation
When I notice my child struggling, whether it’s due to an interaction with another child or simply feeling overwhelmed by the situation, I make sure to give them the attention they need. This is especially important in instances of bullying or name-calling. While I believe in giving my kids space to navigate their own challenges, I also understand the importance of intervening when necessary. It feels like I’ve entered a new phase where my kids are facing bigger problems (little kids little problems, big kids big problems), and it’s my job to ensure they feel supported and protected, unlike when they were little and simpler solutions sufficed.
It’s also crucial to recognize when fatigue is a factor. Acknowledging their tiredness and offering assistance can make a world of difference. Understanding that everyone gets a bit “hangry” and that it’s challenging for young minds to recognize this, I strive to show them I’m on their side. This approach often helps diffuse any potential tantrums before they escalate.
Treating Yourself and the kids
While we prioritize a healthy lifestyle, we also believe in the importance of indulging occasionally. Whether it’s Slurpee’s, allowing them to choose a snack at the convenience store, or enjoying some ice cream out after a day at the beach, we understand the value of balance. Life is fleeting, and it’s essential to savor the little joys, practicing moderation in both our eating habits and parenting approach. Achieving balance in all aspects of life is key to overall well-being.
Conclusion
Solo momming is stressful, tiring, mentally exhausting but most importantly rewarding! Keep yourself a pat on the back for the hard work that you did on your own. Just as training for a race and crossing that finish line leaves you with endorphins to brag about, so is taking your kids on a full day outing where fun was had, memories were made, and you have the pictures to prove it! Also, remember to call your mom, dad, husband, sister, brother, or friend or all of them 2-3 times throughout your day outing to get some adult conversation when you can! 🙂 A major shout out to all of my single parents out there! You are inspiring!