It’s no surprise to any parent that each child needs to be treated differently. Even children raised in the same household, with the same rules and forms of discipline, often interpret experiences in unique ways. As a result, parents often find themselves adjusting their parenting styles to meet the individual needs of each child. Additionally, the child’s birth order can heavily influence how parenting approaches evolve. For example, the way I parent my 8-year-old differs significantly from how I parent my 4-year-old. Navigating these differences can be challenging, but it’s all part of finding what works best for each child. Here are five tips for adapting your parenting style:
- Listen to Your Children and Their Needs
Setting aside dedicated time to listen to your children is invaluable. In our home, we make it a point to have focused conversations during dinner and bedtime. This gives our kids an opportunity to share their day, express concerns, and celebrate achievements. By listening attentively, we can better understand how they handle conflicts and experiences, which informs how we parent them. A cherished tradition in our house is asking, “What was your favorite part of the day?” Everyone gets a turn to share a happy moment, and they choose who goes next. It fosters gratitude and strengthens our family bond. - Create One-on-One Time
Making each child feel special through dedicated one-on-one time is crucial. Even setting aside an hour on the weekend for a solo outing or activity can create meaningful moments. It allows us as parents to truly listen and understand what’s going on in their world, offering individualized support and connection. - Let Them Stay Young
Having three boys means it’s easy to fall into the habit of parenting them similarly. However, I remind myself often that my almost 5-year-old needs to remain just that – a young child. While he admires and wants to emulate his older brothers, it’s important to nurture his innocence and allow him to experience childhood at his own pace. - Maintain a Routine
A consistent schedule helps create stability. After school, we follow a predictable routine: playground time, the walk home, then homework. Even my youngest, who doesn’t have homework yet, joins in by practicing handwriting alongside his brothers. By finishing homework early, we have plenty of time to unwind, play, and prepare for evening sports. Our bedtime routine is just as structured, with showers, vitamins, teeth brushing, storytime, and one-on-one moments with each parent. - Give Yourself Grace
A neighbor recently reminded me, “Parenting is so hard, and you do it three times.” That thought resonated deeply. When they’re babies, it’s hard to imagine the challenges of raising older kids. As they grow, their personalities, needs, and desires evolve, often in unexpected ways. Parenting multiple children comes with complexities, but I feel profoundly grateful to have brought three healthy boys into this world. I constantly adapt my parenting to fit their changing stages of life, knowing that each day brings new lessons and joys.
Parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about learning, evolving, and doing your best. By listening, connecting, and showing yourself grace, you can meet each child’s needs in a way that strengthens your family bond and celebrates their individuality.