August 6, 2024 marks the eleventh anniversary of my father’s passing. August is a bittersweet month: it is the birthday of our first born Billy and the anniversary of my marriage to Will (Dadjogger), but it also marks the death of my father, who missed our wedding by just 18 days. While the days without him are difficult for me, it’s even more challenging knowing that my children never had the opportunity to meet such a special soul. I believe my Dad is watching over us and seeing the wonderful things we are doing, but not being able to share our successes with him constantly tears at my heart.
Finding Some Good
Despite the sadness, there are some positives. My children didn’t have to witness him suffering. They know Papa as a bright, vibrant young man with a great sense of humor and a successful life. We talk about him constantly to keep his spirit alive. They know he loved Mugra and all four of his children deeply. They know he was a world-renowned architect, and we still visit his buildings and admire the beauty he created. They know he was a jokester who loved making people laugh, and they see that reflected in their own silliness. The pictures we show them of Papa are of happy times, big smiles, and big successes.
I find comfort in the quality time I spent with him before I was married and had children. I had special one-on-one moments, free from distractions, that created lasting memories. I devoted a whole season of my life to attending doctor appointments with him, taking him in and out of rehabs, and sitting together to watch movies and just talk. I learned a lot about my family history from listening to stories of his childhood.
All the positives for me: I got a wonderful dad for 24 years, I got my father daughter dance at my sweet 16, I had wonderful summer memories with my dad crabbing and fishing, I got my dad at my high school, college, and masters degree graduation, I got to go to countless sporting events with my whole family as well as having him at all of my sports games, I went on once in a lifetime trips with my family, I grew up in a beautiful home in a wonderful neighborhood with so many opportunities at my hands, my dad had a wonderful relationship with Will and my dad knew who I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I learned the value of family and friend relationships!
What Is Not Getting Easier
As time goes by, the special times to remember start to fade. The details of stories to share with my boys become harder to recall, which is a big reason why we write these blogs. We want to encapsulate the memories we remember now in case they fade with time.
It’s not getting easier watching my boys succeed, knowing my Dad isn’t here to share in the memories. Billy just started travel baseball, and his team won the championship game in their first season. My dad, a huge baseball fan, who played himself, would have had tears in his eyes, just like me. Ben, my middle son, won the arts and crafts award at summer camp this year and was awarded a medal and certificate. His artistic abilities come from my dad, a creative soul and architect. Witnessing Ben’s achievement would have been amazing with my dad there. My youngest, Charlie, is a fighter and a medical warrior. Considering what we were told about his life, it’s a medical miracle to see how bright and capable he is. His strength reminds me of my dad, who was in and out of the hospital for most of my adult life. Charlie’s recovery from surgery feels like it had my dad’s influence, and despite being the hardest battle I’ve ever faced, it was worth it for the results we see in Charlie.
Advice for Those Grieving
Grieving takes time and persistence. When others say it will get easier, you never feel like that day will come, but it does. However, it is different for everyone. Right after losing my dad, I thought that was the worst part, then the funeral seemed the hardest, but the toughest part ended up being the weeks after the funeral when real life started to settle in again and the reality that the person is never coming back hits you hard. Try to resume life as best as you can, remembering that is what your loved one would want for you. I know my dad is around for the special memories and celebrations from afar. We honor his memory constantly and are grateful for all of the time we did have with him!