Will and I started dating on October 15, 2005, and this year marks 19 wonderful years together! As we prepare to enter our 20th year, I want to share ten lessons I’ve learned along the way.
1. The Power of Sharing
It’s important to find hobbies and activities you both enjoy. Will has always been a runner, and I’ve become more serious about it thanks to his influence. We make it a point to engage in things we both love. Even though triathlons aren’t his favorite, he’s completed several with me because it’s something we can share. Having common interests strengthens our bond and keeps us engaged in each other’s passions. Sharing common friends has also made our bond incredibly strong. Most of our friends are from elementary school or high school so they have known us separately and together for most of our life.
2. Embrace Your Silly Side
Will and I are known for our silliness—whether it’s the goofy faces we make or the playful voices we use with each other. Our kids thrive on play, and we want to model a joyful relationship for them. No matter how busy life gets, maintaining that playful spirit is essential.
3. Keep the Romance Alive
Though we don’t go out on dates as often as we would like to, we make an effort to have at least one date night each month. Whether it’s dinner, lunch, or a simple walk, those moments matter. We even enjoy lunch together when he is working from home and the kids are at school just a few times a week, turning ordinary moments into quality time.
4. Take Time for Getaways
Getting away together can be challenging with three kids, but it’s so rejuvenating for our relationship. We aim for at least one trip a year. Recently, we attended my cousin’s wedding in upstate New York. Even a brief 26-hour escape was just what we needed to reconnect.
5. The Importance of Compliments
In the chaos of family life, a simple compliment can mean the world. Texts like “I love you” or “Thanks for handling that this morning” can brighten a hectic day. It’s vital to express our feelings, even when life gets busy.
6. Be Each Other’s Cheerleader
This past year has brought significant changes. Will switched jobs after a decade and then switched jobs again when an amazing opportunity came into his lap. All of these transitions are difficult to manage with new responsibilities for each of us but we adapt and make it work as best as we can! I also returned to work, which meant he took on more morning responsibilities. Supporting each other through these transitions strengthens our bond.
7. Daily Recaps
Each night, we lay in bed and reflect on our day. We share highlights and lowlights, reconnecting amidst the chaos of life. This nightly ritual helps us stay connected and involved in each other’s lives. This is also the opportunity to share any funny things that happened throughout the day!
8. Model the Relationship You Want for Your Kids
Being aware that our kids are always watching, we strive to be positive and supportive around them. We aim to show them what a strong partnership looks like. While we’re not perfect and may argue, we work to resolve conflicts calmly, demonstrating that it’s not the arguments that matter, but how we handle them. This may involve needing to bite our tongue and not react as we would want to at that moment, but holding it back and waiting for a better time to discuss the issue.
9. Focus on Common Goals
In any relationship, it’s essential to keep perspective and identify shared goals. We discuss our desires, whether for the day or the year, and focus on achieving them together. We aim to work on our goals as a family together while also striving to achieve our personal goals for ourselves.
10. Keep the Conversation Going
Maintaining open lines of communication is vital. We work on expressing our feelings and avoiding grudges. After 19 years, we’re still learning, but every step we take helps us grow stronger together. Everyday is a new lesson to learn and these lessons keep us on our toes and keep us ready to take on any new challenge.
The most challenging year for us was 2020 amidst the chaos of the pandemic, also came the challenges that we went through medically with our youngest son. This year tested our patience in so many ways and we came out of it stronger than ever! Relationships will evolve over time but finding your common threads that keep you bonded is the most important part.
Here’s to many more years of love, laughter, and learning!
